Do you love love? Do your insides shimmer with sugar-dusted treats and pink roses and put stickers all over February 14th on your calendar? Or do you hate the capitalist exploitation of the unwilling consumer which dictates that if you are lucky enough to be in love, then you MUST spend inordinate amounts of money to prove it, and if you’re not then you WILL drop shedloads of cash trying to fill the void inside? Well, good news for both camps: emos, as always, have your back. Here’s our top picks for this Valentines, whether you’re treating a loved one or yourself.
1. The Used
Ever the fan of the heart imagery and all things love related (Heartwork… In Love and Death… the Imaginary Enemy cover… every The Used tattoo a fan got between 2004 and 2007…) Bert McCracken and co. have come through with a delightful selection of Valentine’s Day merch including a love note from the band themselves.
2020 and 2021 have felt like death and the infinite void, respectively, but thanks to Creeper, sex is still on the cards. After writing a whole album (and an EP too with Salem) about getting in bed with vampires, the devil, an angel, a physical incarnation of hell, or just the goth girlfriend of your dreams, Creeper have made sure we’re set for the act by releasing a line of condoms. We reckon they’re better than the ones JLS did back in the day. (If you’re more of a fan of putting clothes on than tearing them off, you can also get your hands on a pretty cosy looking set of trackies!)
OK, MGK, we know you’re going out with Megan Fox. Been there, done that, got the Banyan Tree lyric-emblazoned t-shirt. And it’s not just lyrics from one of Tickets To My Downfall’s dreamiest, most heart-breaking tracks on the shirt either; MGK went the whole way and included a shot of him and Megan making out. Yep, we love love (and would do the same if we were in that relationship). For those who aren’t as loved up as MGK and Megan, you can still get involved with MGK from a fan-safe distance, by copping the Little Devil #2 vibrator. Enough said.
Perhaps the truest romantics here today, Dashboard Confessional are providing you with the perfect lockdown-safe V-Day date that’s guaranteed to tug on the heartstrings. With an absolutely immense-looking setlist (19 songs long!!), Dashboard Confessional are here to unlock all the emotions you’ve got locked away with a set that’ll be a magical, much-needed dose of emo goodness. It comes replete with some dreamy, and very very cute, new merch, so get your love-struck hands on some.
5. Frank Iero
He may not be a lesbian ‘in the classical sense’ but Frank Iero has inadvertently declared himself the patron saint of the depressed and lonely this year, coining the term ‘depresbian’ and extending the hand of welcome to all the disenfranchised. To get into the club, you must purchase the official uniform: a black hoodie emblazoned with a Frank Iero barbed wire heart, cos love hurts, right?
Check out last year’s essential Valentine’s Day playlist here – and stay tuned for updated lovey-dovey content coming your way soon.